Let’s talk about the word “Commitment.”

Today I was reading an article about marriage and love/sex addiction on http://www.pschycology.com    Several times throughout the article it mentioned the word commitment.  Stating that both parties in a relationship need to be fully committed and even more important when infidelity is involved.

All our life we hear this word. Commit to school, commit to your job, commit to your paper, etc. We are always asked for our commitment.   Ever since I first found out my Husband cheated, my whole world turned upside down and has never been the same since.  Same with the word commitment being used for marriage. Commitment will never mean the same thing to me, especially after this recent D-Day.

Yeah sure I can give it my commitment.  He can say he is committed but it doesn’t mean diddly shit. I have always gave it my all and I always will. But in all reality commitment is a one-way street. Using the word commitment for a marriage sounds like there is a mutual feeling.  You have no idea if your partner is going to return the commitment even if they say they are.  Of course, you are showing commitment.  You know yourself.  You never know others. I thought I knew my husband through and through.  This is how betrayal hurts so much.  We rely on someone else when we need to be relying on ourselves.

It all comes down to having a commitment to yourself and hope in turn your partner appreciates that, and you appreciate their commitment to themselves. This makes for two happy people in a relationship.

Nobody has your back like you do!

red love heart ornament
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Leaves on a Stream at Home Exercise, EMDR.

Leaves on a Stream is the second most utilized tool I use at home. This was the first tool my therapist taught me the very first day I saw her.  This exercise has been helpful if I have a lot of thoughts going through my head at a fast pace or if I am in a crowded space such as a restaurant.  This tool is a great way to slow those thoughts down, process and release them in an effective way.

To begin, find a quiet spot to relax. If you are unable to find a quiet spot you can use headphones or earplugs to drown out the background noise.  Imagine a stream in the woods (finding music that matches helps.)  Spend a good amount of time imagining the stream and the forest surrounding it.  The weather, the fall leaves, the location, the rocks in the stream, whatever you come up with as long as it is relaxing. Get a good feeling of being there.

Now you are going to imagine leaves going down the stream.  They travel from upstream heading downstream at a steady speed from right to left. Are there a lot, a little? Take each thought that crosses your mind and place it on a leave on the stream.  Each one of your thoughts gets placed on a leaf.  You begin to watch your thoughts go from left to right in a steady speed. Watch these thoughts come and go. If one is hard to let go and wants to linger go ahead and pick it up. Examine it, acknowledge it then place it down to let it continue it’s journey down the stream. Do this however long you feel necessary.

If you need more help to visualize this exercise there are many videos on http://www.Youtube.com

Let me know if you have done this exercise before or you just tried it for the first time?  What did your stream look like? Did this exercise help you? Any deviations you think would be helpful?