My symptoms from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome had been out of control. The elephant siting on my chest, heavy breathing, shaking, jumping at any noise louder than the footsteps of a mouse. My triggers were relentless. I was exhausted from weeks of non-stop anxiety attacks. I was beyond stressed. My family of 5, my husband, myself and our three children, two dogs, one cat and a bird were in the middle of moving ourselves into a camper out in the woods on a family members property. My husband and I were heading out of the barn that was to serve as storage over the next cold winter months until we could find another arrangement. I was losing my mental capacity to handle things. Shoot I had completely lost all mental capacity. It got to the point where I just wanted to hand over my life to the heavens and give up once and for all. I had thought about ending my life many times before. I had always imagined it one way. I played the scenario in my head over and over that day knowing damn well I was too chicken to do it.
My husband and I started walking towards the exit of the barn. As I exited the barn door,I looked back at all the contents of my house. These contents my husband and I had accumulated over our 20-year marriage. I wanted to fall, get on my knees and cry for hours in the fetal position. His infidelity had me questioning if all these items I was seeing was a real thing or just all a lie. I ended up frozen in my disbelief for what I was seeing. I reached deep inside my head, I did my typical count to 3 routine to get me moving. 1….2…3 played in my head. I turned around to leave all our household belongings behind.
My eyes glanced up into the sky,I was hoping a lightning strike would magically appear and just kill me there. But instead I got another surprise.I should have known it was coming as it had in the past. Ever since I was a child, I have had owls visit me whenever my life was in a time of crisis. This crisis is something I never wanted to imagine but here I was dealing with it. It wasn’t bad enough I had discovered my husband’s infidelity three years prior. I was only 4 weeks from the second discovery that he had been cheating on me since then, at a larger level. The pain is too much to bear.
Standing just outside the barn door looking up into the sky I saw her. There she was! She appeared from the empty sky flying in and landing on the top of the tallest tree in my sight. There was no way I could miss seeing her. This beautiful majestic guardian of mine landed and wavered on the uneasy branch. Her wavering was a sure sign she was in her later years. I knew she was an older female owl. The way she held herself was royal. She was the grand-owl of all owls. The queen owl. I was battling every single emotion and pain that day. Here she was, there to let me know, no matter what I do the Universe was going to have my back, and I would always be guided with protection. She brought with her the same message all my other owls had in the past. There message was always the same “You are going to be okay. You are safe.”
My Grand Personal Guardian whom has watched me for many, many years and lives, was just sitting on top of that tree staring down at me. I could feel her warmth, her knowledge and her quiet center. I shed tears. As soon as the tears started flowing like a faucet my husband came back around from the corner to check on me. He was shocked to be witnessing another one of my owls. We have seen many together. His face in disbelief. I could feel it, without a doubt I had to continue, and I was going to be safe. I had an overwhelming sense of needing to push through and continue. I knew I needed to steady the course, so I can be a beacon on light for those in the future who will be suffering.
Thanks to the divine universe for the message I received that day. Sometimes on our life journey we will forget how magical we are! We must always trust the path we are on! There is a purpose for every experience in our life! Just feel the feels and ask, “what is this teaching me?” Look for signs to show you that you are on the correct journey.