You just found out your spouse has been unfaithful. All sorts of emotions are going through your head. After talking to many and experiencing it myself there is no greater pain other than losing a child. You are about to embark on a journey no one wishes to take. You will survive. Your life will never be the same, but it can be better. Below is a list of things to do immediately.
- Get help! Seek professional medial help NOW! Do not wait another minute. No matter how strong you think you are, you will not make it on this journey without professional help. The sooner you reach out for professional help the better recovery will be. There is no need to be ashamed of what has happened, your emotions are real and valid. Have a good team of healthcare around you. Don’t be surprised if you have a harder time dealing with the infidelity at the 3 month mark.
- Find a small tribe!…… Be careful who you talk to. Everyone will have their opinions and at this time you need to talk to people who will only listen and offer help (not advice.) You are going to want to find someone who can help with children, make phone calls, clean house, push you to eat and take a shower, etc.…. If you are unable to find people to help you the next best step is to search online for information and support. At the bottom of this article you will find a list of helpful resources.
- Do not make immediate decisions about your marriage! Your first instinct may be to leave your spouse. Give yourself at least 3 months of recovery before you make any immediate decisions. When you first find out your body goes into fight or flight mode. In three months,you will have the ability to see things more clearly and allow yourself to make more informed decisions.
- Be very careful about questions you ask your cheating spouse! This is a huge mistake many make. Information is vital in the recovery process. You have the need and right to know details. There are some details that will give you triggers for years and it was information you did not need to know. For example: places your spouse cheated, the type of sex they had, what the person looks like, the person’s name etc. Read my article on triggers so you can be more informed about the information you may want to know.
- Keep family and close friends at a distance (for now)! Your family and friends will have all sorts of ideas and how you should handle things. It can be toxic even if they have the best intentions. This doesn’t mean you need to keep it a secret forever.
- Read lots and lots of reading! One of the best things you can do is read as much as possible about what you are going through. This will help you not feel alone and will give you ideas on how to move forward. One of the worse feelings from this is feeling alone. You are not alone! You are never alone in this!
- Try to understand no matter how much you hurt and are in pain there are greater days ahead. As an infidelity recovering person myself, I can promise you this is a great awakening to the world around us.
If you would like to add to the above list, please feel free to send me the information and I will post it here.