Am I proud of myself?

Over the last week I have been asked if I am proud of myself? This question was asked of me in a snotty way from toxic people that I should have exterminated a long time ago. So to answer that question.

YES I AM EXTREMELY PROUD OF MYSELF! I am proud I finally got the nerve to run away! I am proud that I want better for myself and my kids! I am proud I was able to finally say no to my abusive husband! I am proud I stood up for myself! I am proud of the Sheriffs office for doing their work well! I am proud of the woman I am becoming! I am proud of the Mom I am! I am proud I am back to the Mom I once was! I am proud I am going to do it all on my own with very little help! I am proud of the neighbors that had the courage to call the police! I am proud of my daughter for standing up to her Dad! I am proud of my kids for speaking their mind freely!

I am proud of so much! So ask me again! Am I proud of myself? Of freaking course I am. Are you? The family that sat there and listened to my husband beat the shit out of me in the laundry room. The family on April 15th of this year said to me and the kids we would always have a place to stay they just wanted my husband removed from the property. The family that stands up for an abusive addict who did nothing but destroy his family. The family that was so pissed at my husband for beating his uncle only a week before he beat me for the last time. Ask yourself if you are proud? Don’t even try to blame any of this on me.

I did not call the police. My husband is the one who reported me to the police and sent a text to me stating the police were looking for me. It was the police officers that arrived at my hotel room that night that saw the physical evidence. The investigator for the sheriffs office the following day made sure to arrest the correct person. So I am not the cop caller. I am a victim of domestic violence and I finally have had enough!

Passenger on a Train (At Home Therapy Exercises EMDR) Part 7

When you suffer from betrayal trauma and/or PTSD it can be very overwhelming to be in public places.  There could be a million different things that can cause triggers that send you into a downward spiral that is hard to get out of. For a better description of what it is like click here. Below is another tool I use when I am at home or in a public place.

When I am out in a public place I can and will get triggered by lots of things. There are over a million things that can trigger me  I learned to be a “Passenger on a Train”.  I visualize my train down to every little detail. It is good to get a good visualization of your train before you are in a public place.  Make sure your train has a window you can open so you can hear the noises too.  It is also important to smell the smells as you travel on this train. When you are getting triggered you can put yourself as a “Passenger on a Train”.  Watch the trigger go by from right to left or left to right.  Smell the smells, hear the noises and feel them go by as you travel on your train. The idea is to train your brain to take your triggers and process them in a way where you acknowledge them but do not let the feelings send you into that dreadful downward spiral.

The hardest part about this tool and other tools is to remember you have them available. Make sure you keep a list of different tools and exercises that work for you. This list should always be handy.

“You will never be the same, but you can be better.” -Lauren Beth