Awakening Freaking Hurts

I see the question asked so many times.  What does an awakening feel like?  I will give you my best shot at explaining it.

Going through an awakening is the most painful thing you ever could imagine. Everything within and outside of you changes. Your energy, your body, your beliefs, your views, your thoughts, your diet, absolutely everything.

 I wish it didn’t have to be so painful but unfortunately from sharing my experience and learning of others experiences it is a painful process that can last for quite a bit of time. Most people become awakened because of a traumatic event happening in their life. In my case my awakening started when I was 17 years into my marriage and found out my husband had an emotional affair.  Three years later I thought I was completely awakened and healed from the betrayal. Then it hit again.  I found out he was a sex addicted person who lacked control.  He has been with countless woman within that 3 years when I believe he was healing right along with me. He had become a man that he used to loathe.

So, surprise to me I am still in the middle of my awakening.  I still have more to learn. I am called to learn my craft on a much deeper level than I had ever imagined. As painful as it may be, I know this is necessary for the higher good. Since I suffer from PTSD due to the betrayal trauma I have an added awareness to my surroundings. I was already a hyper sensitive person (HSP), an empath amongst other things. With this added variant of PTSD from being attacked on my home turf that I still live in, I am much stronger in all aspects of my powers. I have always been “magical” but now I am extra “magical” and I still have a lot to learn about my magic.

I know my pain is not over and I still have a difficult road ahead, but I can keep a positive outlook because the universe knows exactly what is right. Plus, I know I have guardians looking out for me.

Passenger on a Train (At Home Therapy Exercises EMDR) Part 7

When you suffer from betrayal trauma and/or PTSD it can be very overwhelming to be in public places.  There could be a million different things that can cause triggers that send you into a downward spiral that is hard to get out of. For a better description of what it is like click here. Below is another tool I use when I am at home or in a public place.

When I am out in a public place I can and will get triggered by lots of things. There are over a million things that can trigger me  I learned to be a “Passenger on a Train”.  I visualize my train down to every little detail. It is good to get a good visualization of your train before you are in a public place.  Make sure your train has a window you can open so you can hear the noises too.  It is also important to smell the smells as you travel on this train. When you are getting triggered you can put yourself as a “Passenger on a Train”.  Watch the trigger go by from right to left or left to right.  Smell the smells, hear the noises and feel them go by as you travel on your train. The idea is to train your brain to take your triggers and process them in a way where you acknowledge them but do not let the feelings send you into that dreadful downward spiral.

The hardest part about this tool and other tools is to remember you have them available. Make sure you keep a list of different tools and exercises that work for you. This list should always be handy.

“You will never be the same, but you can be better.” -Lauren Beth