My New Reality

My life has taken a complete turn the last 48 hours. I was married for a little over 20 years. I have been married ever since I was 18. Still to this day my husband is the only one I have had sex with. My husband was the most dedicated and loving father and husband for 17 years until his first affair, which eventually ended up turning into a sex addiction and multiple affairs with all sorts of whores. Since then things have only gotten worse. Between his drug use and his Morbid Jealousy I had to make a run for it before he killed me.

I am now sitting here a single Mom with 3 children in a hotel room while my husband is in jail for domestic violence. I have nobody but my Mom in another state. My family that I married into has completely turned their back on me and my children when they know better. They were witness to his escalating mental behavior and violence towards me.

I remember the first time he admitted to doing Meth. It was October 29th, 2017. He had a Halloween Party the night before for the Motorcycle club he was in. That is the day everything took a turn for the worse when it came to our home life and the way he treated me and his kids.

I honestly held on too long as many survivors of domestic violence do. I kept waiting for my husband to become the man he was the first 17 years of our marriage. I am so saddened that it came to this. But the last straw was when he almost killed me while our 3 children witnessed some and heard most of the assaults.

Since November of 2017 we have been doing nothing but fighting. I hope one day he will recover and we can have at least a happy family unit. But for now it looks very hopeless as his family is only feeding his mental problems. It is a tremendously sad day for me.

I will be posting as much as I can because it is important to document what it is like as I journey through this for the first time as there has been many before me and there will be many after me.

Awakening Freaking Hurts

I see the question asked so many times.  What does an awakening feel like?  I will give you my best shot at explaining it.

Going through an awakening is the most painful thing you ever could imagine. Everything within and outside of you changes. Your energy, your body, your beliefs, your views, your thoughts, your diet, absolutely everything.

 I wish it didn’t have to be so painful but unfortunately from sharing my experience and learning of others experiences it is a painful process that can last for quite a bit of time. Most people become awakened because of a traumatic event happening in their life. In my case my awakening started when I was 17 years into my marriage and found out my husband had an emotional affair.  Three years later I thought I was completely awakened and healed from the betrayal. Then it hit again.  I found out he was a sex addicted person who lacked control.  He has been with countless woman within that 3 years when I believe he was healing right along with me. He had become a man that he used to loathe.

So, surprise to me I am still in the middle of my awakening.  I still have more to learn. I am called to learn my craft on a much deeper level than I had ever imagined. As painful as it may be, I know this is necessary for the higher good. Since I suffer from PTSD due to the betrayal trauma I have an added awareness to my surroundings. I was already a hyper sensitive person (HSP), an empath amongst other things. With this added variant of PTSD from being attacked on my home turf that I still live in, I am much stronger in all aspects of my powers. I have always been “magical” but now I am extra “magical” and I still have a lot to learn about my magic.

I know my pain is not over and I still have a difficult road ahead, but I can keep a positive outlook because the universe knows exactly what is right. Plus, I know I have guardians looking out for me.