Discovery Day (D-Day) a different kind of anniversary date.

Discovery Day is the very first day that you discover your partner has been cheating on you.  This day will forever be ingrained in your memory.  You will count the years you have made it from this day.  At first you will count the days, then the weeks, then the months.  For the first 2 years you can give someone the exact amount of time from this day; days, weeks and months.  An anniversary that you will always acknowledge and dread or if you are lucky you may be able to pretend and pass over this day with no huge fuss.

Very similar to when you first heard about the 9-11 World Trade Center’s crashing down. Or when you first learned of a close loved one passing.  In my case the memory of D-Day is stronger than 9-11 and a family member passing. You will never forget the weather on this day, the smells in the air, what you were doing, and you will remember exactly where you were, and who you were with. You will always remember a life before this day and reminisce on how it used to be, most of the time shedding tears because all you want to do is go back. Your whole world is flipped upside down on D-Day.  You will never be the same person again. Your heart shatters into a million pieces and you will forever be picking them up and putting them together.  For the first year (sometimes longer) you will wake up everyday and it will feel exactly like you are just learning of a loved one’s sudden unexpected death.  As time goes on, it does get easier but is always there like a dark cloud over your head about to strike you with a bolt of lightening reminding you of your loss. Those bolts are the triggers that you will experience repeatedly for an indefinite amount of time.  Click here to read more about triggers.

If you are lucky you will never experience a day like this or never have to go through it again.  In my case I have 2 D-Days and so do many other infidelity survivors too.  We survivors are some of the strongest and loving people living on Earth.

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Motor Cycle Club, Harleys & the Local Bar Flies

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I really wanted to write about this sooner but thought it may be best to wait a couple days so that I may not release ugly things that did not need to be said.  I sat on it for a few days and I am still as pissed off as I was the first day I found out. So here it goes.

Let me start this by saying I never ever enjoyed bars.  I never have, and I never will.  Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) I have difficulty being in an establishment like a bar. I feel all the good and bad energy that has ever happened in that place, all at once.  I read every single person.  I know what they were like as a child, how many kids they have, how many marriages, if they are good or bad.  For the most part bars are the worse.  Don’t think I am coming down on all bars, I am sure there are some bars I would enjoy. There are things I can do to make sure I enjoy my time in bars. I can drink alcohol, listen to loud music and take breaks outside to regain my energy. I believe you could have quoted me something like this “Why the hell do people go into those disgusting low life places?”   Well, I WAS RIGHT and I will forever stand by my saying. For those locals and the bar flies that like to follow me, mainly because they have nothing better to do than look at local motorcycle club members as celebrities, if you see me in your establishment just know I am not there to have a good time.  I am there for business just as my Husband and I have always done while he was in the club.

When my husband joined a motorcycle club after the first D-Day  Click here for more info I made a point to support him in his membership of the club.  One of the original reasons he cheated was because he felt he had no freedom to do what he wanted, which in hindsight was not true but that is another topic.  For 3 years we lived a “biker” lifestyle.  We loved it and I found it as a good way to get over his infidelity.  Yeah well if you know my infidelity story you would know that I was played as a fool and this is yet another topic.

What I really wanted to address is the local bar flies ( you know who you are.)  I find it amazing how much bull crappy rumors are spread by you bottom dwellers .  It is appalling that there is so much untrue chatter going around.   Come on,, you know better.  I understand  you are drunk when you are in the bars but use some common sense and try not to tarnish a marriage and family more than they have already been.  It is already a tough thing being a spouse of a member but why the F&*^ would you make it worse?  Please do what most bar flies do; play pool, watch football, play darts, etc. Turning peoples lives into soap operas is the lowest of the low and only expectant from high schoolers.

Special note to a couple woman whom I am still not done learning about who have big mouths and loose pussies, keep your mouth shut and legs closed to married men. If he has a ring or is known to be married, stay away and do not run your mouth until you have heard from both sides. You are going to quickly become the “road hard and put away wet” whores. Lower than the hookers.

Also, there is a special must-read letter to a bartender named Melissa (see letter below) whom took it upon herself to make up our soap opera life and spread untrue rumors.  You are even lower then the lowest of all.  Worse than the homewreckers and the hookers.  My harsh words and feelings also go out to her friend an owner of a bar.  Miss Caroline you too are called as the lowest of the town. I am appalled there are even people out there like you.  Sisterhood ladies! Guess what? You messed with a sister that won’t stay quiet about your big mouths aka lady snitch. You will see your karma and I take satisfaction in knowing it is already in place.

 


Dear Local Bartender Melissa,

I don’t know you but apparently you know more about my personal life than I ever did.  Let me tell you this!  You are worse than the homewreckers who screwed my Husband and other husbands. I find it amazing that you must gossip about a local motorcycle club member and his family (3 children) as if we are some reality TV soap opera.  I am sure that are other things you can gossip about. Maybe you can talk about how your big mouth should stay quiet and do what it knows how to do, suck!

I am sure you could have asked the husbands wife for her side of the story before you so blatantly started spreading rumors and adding to a man’s sex addiction and marital problems. You are even lower than the cockroaches in the New York Subways. I am ashamed you have a vagina and are out there representing females!! You really need to be booted off this planet.  I will have fun knowing karma is being served and it will never stop.

Have a good life and keep your man tight!

Sincerely,

Appalled

 

At Home Exercise, EMDR Part 3

container 2My therapist had to work diligently with me to get me back to a semi functioning human the first time I discovered my husband cheated. This second time around is worse, and I am thankful I remember what she taught me.  I would be in a mental hospital if I did not have the tools I was provided. If you have been through this then you know that at some point most of us end up in the hospital.  The next tool I am going to share is called The Container.  The container is for when heavy stuff is coming your way and you can feel it add up in your body.  If you feel mentally drained by the end of the day then you are more than likely taking on too much mental baggage then this tool is for you. There is a warning with this exercise.  I learned the lesson the hard way so pay attention.  Overuse of the container may create more nightmares while sleeping.  You must empty the container at least once a week if not more.

First step is imagining a container.  Your container is yours and can be anything.  A glass, jar, box, etc., or whatever else you may think of.  Now you go into details.  It is fun to get really creative with it.  What is the container made of?  What size and shape is it?  What does your container weigh? What color or colors is it? Do you have a way to lock it? If you do not have a way to lock it then hide it so absolutely no one will find it. Get a good feeling for every single detail of your container. The more detail you imagine the better. Once you have a good vision in your head move on to the next step.

The second step is using your container.  What are the thoughts and problems that are weighing you down?  Put those thoughts on a piece of imaginary paper.  Each thought one at a time.  Write it down.  Fold the paper and put it in your container.  Continue to do this until you have put everything that is bothering you into your container.  Now lock it up.  Lock it up good and put the container away. I close my container with a lock, taking the keys and pretending to throw them and saying, “Lock it and F&*^ it!”  Feel all those feelings being put in a safe place until a later time.

I cannot tell you how many times I have used my container. The hardest part about this exercise is remembering to use it. When you get good at visualizing your container you will find it is a great way to handle problems that will not leave your head, perfect for all those triggers.  You can catch me at least once a day saying the “Lock it and F&^* it!” phrase.

Let me know if you have done an exercise like this?  Did you do this one?  What did your container end up looking like?