At Home Exercise, EMDR Part 3

container 2My therapist had to work diligently with me to get me back to a semi functioning human the first time I discovered my husband cheated. This second time around is worse, and I am thankful I remember what she taught me.  I would be in a mental hospital if I did not have the tools I was provided. If you have been through this then you know that at some point most of us end up in the hospital.  The next tool I am going to share is called The Container.  The container is for when heavy stuff is coming your way and you can feel it add up in your body.  If you feel mentally drained by the end of the day then you are more than likely taking on too much mental baggage then this tool is for you. There is a warning with this exercise.  I learned the lesson the hard way so pay attention.  Overuse of the container may create more nightmares while sleeping.  You must empty the container at least once a week if not more.

First step is imagining a container.  Your container is yours and can be anything.  A glass, jar, box, etc., or whatever else you may think of.  Now you go into details.  It is fun to get really creative with it.  What is the container made of?  What size and shape is it?  What does your container weigh? What color or colors is it? Do you have a way to lock it? If you do not have a way to lock it then hide it so absolutely no one will find it. Get a good feeling for every single detail of your container. The more detail you imagine the better. Once you have a good vision in your head move on to the next step.

The second step is using your container.  What are the thoughts and problems that are weighing you down?  Put those thoughts on a piece of imaginary paper.  Each thought one at a time.  Write it down.  Fold the paper and put it in your container.  Continue to do this until you have put everything that is bothering you into your container.  Now lock it up.  Lock it up good and put the container away. I close my container with a lock, taking the keys and pretending to throw them and saying, “Lock it and F&*^ it!”  Feel all those feelings being put in a safe place until a later time.

I cannot tell you how many times I have used my container. The hardest part about this exercise is remembering to use it. When you get good at visualizing your container you will find it is a great way to handle problems that will not leave your head, perfect for all those triggers.  You can catch me at least once a day saying the “Lock it and F&^* it!” phrase.

Let me know if you have done an exercise like this?  Did you do this one?  What did your container end up looking like?

Let’s talk about the word “Commitment.”

Today I was reading an article about marriage and love/sex addiction on http://www.pschycology.com    Several times throughout the article it mentioned the word commitment.  Stating that both parties in a relationship need to be fully committed and even more important when infidelity is involved.

All our life we hear this word. Commit to school, commit to your job, commit to your paper, etc. We are always asked for our commitment.   Ever since I first found out my Husband cheated, my whole world turned upside down and has never been the same since.  Same with the word commitment being used for marriage. Commitment will never mean the same thing to me, especially after this recent D-Day.

Yeah sure I can give it my commitment.  He can say he is committed but it doesn’t mean diddly shit. I have always gave it my all and I always will. But in all reality commitment is a one-way street. Using the word commitment for a marriage sounds like there is a mutual feeling.  You have no idea if your partner is going to return the commitment even if they say they are.  Of course, you are showing commitment.  You know yourself.  You never know others. I thought I knew my husband through and through.  This is how betrayal hurts so much.  We rely on someone else when we need to be relying on ourselves.

It all comes down to having a commitment to yourself and hope in turn your partner appreciates that, and you appreciate their commitment to themselves. This makes for two happy people in a relationship.

Nobody has your back like you do!

red love heart ornament
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A Real Broken Heart? It Can Happen!

I have been taking it easy the last couple days. It is hard for me to say that since I am not one to take it easy.  This round of healing has taken everything out of me. Everything!  The healthcare system has failed to act quickly (no surprise).  I have been without professional care for almost two months.  Every minute and every second of the time my heart is pounding.  My heart wants to jump out of my body.  I can’t breathe, I stop breathing, I feel pain in my chest.  It is amazing how much our body takes a hit when we suffer mentally. 

When I went through betrayal 3 years ago, I suffered from a lot of physical ailments.  The worse was my stomach.  I lost 50 pounds, it was hard to eat a lot and my choices in food that settled well were limited.  I had to take medicine for it for a year and a half.  This time around I am getting the stomach problem again. I am losing a lot of weight, I can tell from my clothes.  I am terrified to weigh myself. For right now weight loss is just more evidence of how much I have been beat.  But to top it off I am getting the Broken Heart Symptoms.  I always thought that was just a saying until I had an actual broken heart.  It hurts! It is real and can cause permanent damage. Please pay attention to your body when you go through mental problems.  The below link is a good article on a broken heart. 

I am thankful I mustered enough energy to post something today. 

“If all you can do is crawl, then crawl.”

https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/cardiomyopathy/what-is-cardiomyopathy-in-adults/is-broken-heart-syndrome-real#main-content