Am I proud of myself?

Over the last week I have been asked if I am proud of myself? This question was asked of me in a snotty way from toxic people that I should have exterminated a long time ago. So to answer that question.

YES I AM EXTREMELY PROUD OF MYSELF! I am proud I finally got the nerve to run away! I am proud that I want better for myself and my kids! I am proud I was able to finally say no to my abusive husband! I am proud I stood up for myself! I am proud of the Sheriffs office for doing their work well! I am proud of the woman I am becoming! I am proud of the Mom I am! I am proud I am back to the Mom I once was! I am proud I am going to do it all on my own with very little help! I am proud of the neighbors that had the courage to call the police! I am proud of my daughter for standing up to her Dad! I am proud of my kids for speaking their mind freely!

I am proud of so much! So ask me again! Am I proud of myself? Of freaking course I am. Are you? The family that sat there and listened to my husband beat the shit out of me in the laundry room. The family on April 15th of this year said to me and the kids we would always have a place to stay they just wanted my husband removed from the property. The family that stands up for an abusive addict who did nothing but destroy his family. The family that was so pissed at my husband for beating his uncle only a week before he beat me for the last time. Ask yourself if you are proud? Don’t even try to blame any of this on me.

I did not call the police. My husband is the one who reported me to the police and sent a text to me stating the police were looking for me. It was the police officers that arrived at my hotel room that night that saw the physical evidence. The investigator for the sheriffs office the following day made sure to arrest the correct person. So I am not the cop caller. I am a victim of domestic violence and I finally have had enough!

My New Reality

My life has taken a complete turn the last 48 hours. I was married for a little over 20 years. I have been married ever since I was 18. Still to this day my husband is the only one I have had sex with. My husband was the most dedicated and loving father and husband for 17 years until his first affair, which eventually ended up turning into a sex addiction and multiple affairs with all sorts of whores. Since then things have only gotten worse. Between his drug use and his Morbid Jealousy I had to make a run for it before he killed me.

I am now sitting here a single Mom with 3 children in a hotel room while my husband is in jail for domestic violence. I have nobody but my Mom in another state. My family that I married into has completely turned their back on me and my children when they know better. They were witness to his escalating mental behavior and violence towards me.

I remember the first time he admitted to doing Meth. It was October 29th, 2017. He had a Halloween Party the night before for the Motorcycle club he was in. That is the day everything took a turn for the worse when it came to our home life and the way he treated me and his kids.

I honestly held on too long as many survivors of domestic violence do. I kept waiting for my husband to become the man he was the first 17 years of our marriage. I am so saddened that it came to this. But the last straw was when he almost killed me while our 3 children witnessed some and heard most of the assaults.

Since November of 2017 we have been doing nothing but fighting. I hope one day he will recover and we can have at least a happy family unit. But for now it looks very hopeless as his family is only feeding his mental problems. It is a tremendously sad day for me.

I will be posting as much as I can because it is important to document what it is like as I journey through this for the first time as there has been many before me and there will be many after me.