Discovery Day (D-Day) a different kind of anniversary date.

Discovery Day is the very first day that you discover your partner has been cheating on you.  This day will forever be ingrained in your memory.  You will count the years you have made it from this day.  At first you will count the days, then the weeks, then the months.  For the first 2 years you can give someone the exact amount of time from this day; days, weeks and months.  An anniversary that you will always acknowledge and dread or if you are lucky you may be able to pretend and pass over this day with no huge fuss.

Very similar to when you first heard about the 9-11 World Trade Center’s crashing down. Or when you first learned of a close loved one passing.  In my case the memory of D-Day is stronger than 9-11 and a family member passing. You will never forget the weather on this day, the smells in the air, what you were doing, and you will remember exactly where you were, and who you were with. You will always remember a life before this day and reminisce on how it used to be, most of the time shedding tears because all you want to do is go back. Your whole world is flipped upside down on D-Day.  You will never be the same person again. Your heart shatters into a million pieces and you will forever be picking them up and putting them together.  For the first year (sometimes longer) you will wake up everyday and it will feel exactly like you are just learning of a loved one’s sudden unexpected death.  As time goes on, it does get easier but is always there like a dark cloud over your head about to strike you with a bolt of lightening reminding you of your loss. Those bolts are the triggers that you will experience repeatedly for an indefinite amount of time.  Click here to read more about triggers.

If you are lucky you will never experience a day like this or never have to go through it again.  In my case I have 2 D-Days and so do many other infidelity survivors too.  We survivors are some of the strongest and loving people living on Earth.

abstract break broken broken glass
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A Real Broken Heart? It Can Happen!

I have been taking it easy the last couple days. It is hard for me to say that since I am not one to take it easy.  This round of healing has taken everything out of me. Everything!  The healthcare system has failed to act quickly (no surprise).  I have been without professional care for almost two months.  Every minute and every second of the time my heart is pounding.  My heart wants to jump out of my body.  I can’t breathe, I stop breathing, I feel pain in my chest.  It is amazing how much our body takes a hit when we suffer mentally. 

When I went through betrayal 3 years ago, I suffered from a lot of physical ailments.  The worse was my stomach.  I lost 50 pounds, it was hard to eat a lot and my choices in food that settled well were limited.  I had to take medicine for it for a year and a half.  This time around I am getting the stomach problem again. I am losing a lot of weight, I can tell from my clothes.  I am terrified to weigh myself. For right now weight loss is just more evidence of how much I have been beat.  But to top it off I am getting the Broken Heart Symptoms.  I always thought that was just a saying until I had an actual broken heart.  It hurts! It is real and can cause permanent damage. Please pay attention to your body when you go through mental problems.  The below link is a good article on a broken heart. 

I am thankful I mustered enough energy to post something today. 

“If all you can do is crawl, then crawl.”