Awakening Freaking Hurts

I see the question asked so many times.  What does an awakening feel like?  I will give you my best shot at explaining it.

Going through an awakening is the most painful thing you ever could imagine. Everything within and outside of you changes. Your energy, your body, your beliefs, your views, your thoughts, your diet, absolutely everything.

 I wish it didn’t have to be so painful but unfortunately from sharing my experience and learning of others experiences it is a painful process that can last for quite a bit of time. Most people become awakened because of a traumatic event happening in their life. In my case my awakening started when I was 17 years into my marriage and found out my husband had an emotional affair.  Three years later I thought I was completely awakened and healed from the betrayal. Then it hit again.  I found out he was a sex addicted person who lacked control.  He has been with countless woman within that 3 years when I believe he was healing right along with me. He had become a man that he used to loathe.

So, surprise to me I am still in the middle of my awakening.  I still have more to learn. I am called to learn my craft on a much deeper level than I had ever imagined. As painful as it may be, I know this is necessary for the higher good. Since I suffer from PTSD due to the betrayal trauma I have an added awareness to my surroundings. I was already a hyper sensitive person (HSP), an empath amongst other things. With this added variant of PTSD from being attacked on my home turf that I still live in, I am much stronger in all aspects of my powers. I have always been “magical” but now I am extra “magical” and I still have a lot to learn about my magic.

I know my pain is not over and I still have a difficult road ahead, but I can keep a positive outlook because the universe knows exactly what is right. Plus, I know I have guardians looking out for me.

Motor Cycle Club, Harleys & the Local Bar Flies

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I really wanted to write about this sooner but thought it may be best to wait a couple days so that I may not release ugly things that did not need to be said.  I sat on it for a few days and I am still as pissed off as I was the first day I found out. So here it goes.

Let me start this by saying I never ever enjoyed bars.  I never have, and I never will.  Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) I have difficulty being in an establishment like a bar. I feel all the good and bad energy that has ever happened in that place, all at once.  I read every single person.  I know what they were like as a child, how many kids they have, how many marriages, if they are good or bad.  For the most part bars are the worse.  Don’t think I am coming down on all bars, I am sure there are some bars I would enjoy. There are things I can do to make sure I enjoy my time in bars. I can drink alcohol, listen to loud music and take breaks outside to regain my energy. I believe you could have quoted me something like this “Why the hell do people go into those disgusting low life places?”   Well, I WAS RIGHT and I will forever stand by my saying. For those locals and the bar flies that like to follow me, mainly because they have nothing better to do than look at local motorcycle club members as celebrities, if you see me in your establishment just know I am not there to have a good time.  I am there for business just as my Husband and I have always done while he was in the club.

When my husband joined a motorcycle club after the first D-Day  Click here for more info I made a point to support him in his membership of the club.  One of the original reasons he cheated was because he felt he had no freedom to do what he wanted, which in hindsight was not true but that is another topic.  For 3 years we lived a “biker” lifestyle.  We loved it and I found it as a good way to get over his infidelity.  Yeah well if you know my infidelity story you would know that I was played as a fool and this is yet another topic.

What I really wanted to address is the local bar flies ( you know who you are.)  I find it amazing how much bull crappy rumors are spread by you bottom dwellers .  It is appalling that there is so much untrue chatter going around.   Come on,, you know better.  I understand  you are drunk when you are in the bars but use some common sense and try not to tarnish a marriage and family more than they have already been.  It is already a tough thing being a spouse of a member but why the F&*^ would you make it worse?  Please do what most bar flies do; play pool, watch football, play darts, etc. Turning peoples lives into soap operas is the lowest of the low and only expectant from high schoolers.

Special note to a couple woman whom I am still not done learning about who have big mouths and loose pussies, keep your mouth shut and legs closed to married men. If he has a ring or is known to be married, stay away and do not run your mouth until you have heard from both sides. You are going to quickly become the “road hard and put away wet” whores. Lower than the hookers.

Also, there is a special must-read letter to a bartender named Melissa (see letter below) whom took it upon herself to make up our soap opera life and spread untrue rumors.  You are even lower then the lowest of all.  Worse than the homewreckers and the hookers.  My harsh words and feelings also go out to her friend an owner of a bar.  Miss Caroline you too are called as the lowest of the town. I am appalled there are even people out there like you.  Sisterhood ladies! Guess what? You messed with a sister that won’t stay quiet about your big mouths aka lady snitch. You will see your karma and I take satisfaction in knowing it is already in place.

 


Dear Local Bartender Melissa,

I don’t know you but apparently you know more about my personal life than I ever did.  Let me tell you this!  You are worse than the homewreckers who screwed my Husband and other husbands. I find it amazing that you must gossip about a local motorcycle club member and his family (3 children) as if we are some reality TV soap opera.  I am sure that are other things you can gossip about. Maybe you can talk about how your big mouth should stay quiet and do what it knows how to do, suck!

I am sure you could have asked the husbands wife for her side of the story before you so blatantly started spreading rumors and adding to a man’s sex addiction and marital problems. You are even lower than the cockroaches in the New York Subways. I am ashamed you have a vagina and are out there representing females!! You really need to be booted off this planet.  I will have fun knowing karma is being served and it will never stop.

Have a good life and keep your man tight!

Sincerely,

Appalled