EMDR & Home Therapy Exercises Part 5 “Chores”

I have learned a lot over the last 3 ½ years when it comes to what works when I am overwhelmed with triggers and heavy emotions. Some of the worse times for triggers are when I am doing household chores. A good example is when I do the dishes. I go on auto pilot when doing them and that is when the thoughts, triggers and emotions sneak in.  All the everyday chores a Mom must do are the type of chores I would have the hardest time with all the thoughts coming up. At any given moment of any day you could catch me balling my eyes out, frozen from the hurt, paused in time, in the middle of doing a chore.   

A little over a year and half ago during an appointment with my EMDR therapist I learned what to do when I was doing household chores to help process all the triggers I was having.  At the time I was having a hard time at work.  I was having to open boxes upon boxes of wood flooring.  My therapist brought up using a cross body motion to slice the boxes open.  The next day I sliced those boxes open with passion.  After the relief I received from this I started to implement the same thing to all chores I did.  After this second D-DayI am using this same therapy tool again. 

The way to do this exercise is simple.  When you are doing everyday household chores turn them into a chore where you use your body in a left to right rhythm. This is very similar to when Daniel in The Karate Kid does the “Wax on and wax off.” If you are unable to do the whole-body rhythm use your left hand, then switch to your right hand. A good example is when I vacuum, I push the vacuum with my left arm and pull back with my right. When I do dishes, I make sure I am passing the dish from one hand to the other. When cleaning counter tops I do the same thing.   I try to get the largest left to right motion and keep at a good fast paced rhythm. I allow all the triggers to come at me. I don’t try to control my thoughts or emotions. They tend to go as fast as they come when I would normally go on a roller coaster ride with my thoughts. As long as I keep a good pace, the thoughts are getting processed the way my brain can handle it best and in turn keeping myself from suffering anymore physical ailments.

This is a great way to process your thoughts and get them “filed away neatly” in your brain. I have noticed while going through this second recovery round I am having an easier time processing my triggers and find myself naturally doing the exercises and tools I learned from before.  When you practice all the different at home therapy exercises and tools you develop a second nature to processing your triggers that can provide some relief.    

Link to all At Home Therapy Tools

“Come on!” Having sex with a married man wasn’t enough?!

I have witnessed some horrible human behavior throughout my life.  But this last episode of “Come On! Are you that stupid?” has got me thinking “Is every homewrecker really that dumb?”  I have heard horror stories but this last one takes the trophy for the dumbest I have dealt with. I am appalled that this woman even thinks she has a leg to stand on.

I have never met her, never talked to her. I had seen her at a large motorcycle camping party, where she avoided me and now, I know why.  I only messaged her a few times via social media prior to my knowing she had sex with my husband and multiple other married men along with a few brothers from my husband’s club. This lady is a serial homewrecker. She is known in the little motorcycle community of my town as the slut, a massage therapist with a happy ending among many other things.   There is not a single man on this earth who would be stupid enough to settle down with her.  She reeks rotting twat. Woman like this sicken me as they have no regard for humans at all. 

I used to feel bad for people like this and would make excuses for their behavior, but I am out of excuses and I am tired of being an innocent victim of their immoral behavior.  It is appalling a person like this would make up lies about the betrayed.  You already did a huge amount of damage.  Enough already!

There is one main reason I needed to write this rant out being you are called a home wrecker, you  screwed up a home and marriage by being one of the “other woman” there is no need for you to lash out at the betrayed for calling you out on what you clearly are.  If you don’t like the truth, then F off!  You should have learned to think before you act a long time ago, you are a grown adult.  You should never open your mouth or even worse put it in writing for all to see you harassing the betrayed with lies and stories when you haven’t even met the betrayed spouse or heard their side of the story.

I do not do my blog, website, and social media accounts for attention.  I have NEVER liked attention, if you need confirmation maybe you should talk to the “brothers”.  I am a person who helps others. That is my life mission.  I am taking something that makes me unable to live a normal life and turning it around to help others who are going through the same thing. The accusations from an uneducated dumb whore will not be tolerated by myself or my tribe.    

The amount and extent of the pain a betrayed spouse goes through is something unimaginable until you have been through it.  Studies show that PTSD from betrayal trauma is one of the hardest things to suffer from mentally.  It takes years to recover and you will never be the same.  To be a person who wants more pain on the betrayed makes you a special kind of evil.  I will enjoy watching karma do its magic.

To all my fellow survivors. You should never let one of the other women dictate anything. Thankfully in my case it was a calculative move that worked, and she buried herself (love it when this happens.)   Stand strong and tall fellow survivors!  You are and always will be the better person!

My Why for Staying

Typical Friday Nite

The betrayed often feel ashamed or like they owe an explanation for why they either stayed or left the adulterer. The heavy pressure can be felt from family, society, community, or a social circle.  This pressure can become overwhelming and debilitating and wreaks havoc on an already fragile situation. It is important to remember that every marriage and relationship is different.  Everyone has different values and morals.  We all grieve what our relationship once was. We all grieve in different ways and at a different pace.  The one thing that we have in common is the deep down sick to the stomach feeling of betrayal.

I chose to stay with my husband even though lots of new revelations are out in the open and this second D-Day has taken its toll on me. There are over a dozen woman walking around locally that I will be confronting.  We were semi famous in a small town and there is gossip.  The magnitude of the damage is a lot larger in our small community we have lived in. I don’t owe anybody an explanation to why I am currently staying but I am going to give an explanation just so I feel better. Plus, being able to write it out is helpful. Another good reason is to get it written out is my therapist cancelled our appointment last week right after I just did the big “Sit down and ask session.” And I have some releasing I need to do.

I have been with my husband for 22 years.  We have 3 children together.  Our oldest 19-yr-old son has schizophrenia and is a Type 1 Diabetic, our 16-year-old daughter has Rheumatoid Arthritis and our youngest 7-year-old boy is very active and the most challenging of the children so far. My husband and I have been through hell and back with each other.  Is our relationship always great?  HECK NO!  Do the good times outweigh the bad times? HELL YES!  80% of our marriage has been pure love and bliss.  We are the perfect team.  Is this time going to be hard to overcome? Definitely! Is it possible I am making the wrong decision?  Maybe.  But no matter what I know I will be fine in the end no matter the outcome.

With everything we have gone through we have learned a lot about illnesses.  Just like our oldest son has schizophrenia and both our parents suffer from mental illnesses we recognize the last 4 years of behavior is partially due to an underlying mental illness.  We are still in the process of getting everything diagnosed but I cannot tell you how proud I am of my husband for taking the steps needed to get better.  After this second Discovery Day he has shown more remorse than he has ever in the past.  Everyday multiple times a day he is reassuring me that everything will be okay.  He holds me for as long as I need him to for my anxiety attack to go away.  He is more aware of what I am going through and does everything in his power to accommodate me including telling me some ugly truths that I am sure he never thought he would tell. So far, he is doing exactly what I have asked so that I can feel safe staying in this marriage.

If you came to a different conclusion for your own marriage my conclusion should not affect your reasoning at all.  Sometimes it is impossible to reason why we do what we do.  If you chose, you did the first major step which is deciding.  Whether it be stay or leave you made the decision for your own reason and you know what?  You will be okay.  It doesn’t feel like it but rest assured you will be okay.