“Mrs.” Or “Wife” Make me Cringe

In the 20 years we have been married my Husband and I have been involved in the community no matter where we have lived.  Sometimes we are very well known throughout the community other times we have been under the radar. The last 3 years we have been highly involved in the motorcycle club community and the community at large.  We are both very well known, my husband more so since he was the member with a patch on his back (no longer a member). So, when I found out he had been cheating on me for 3 years past the first discovery date, it was a little bit more shameful. More shameful than the first time I found out in 2015 when we were known throughout the small racetrack community.

High profile infidelity is a whole new beast when it comes to recovering. You walk around feeling like all eyes are on you.  Everyone is watching and waiting to see what you are going to do.  You can feel it everywhere you go.   My heart races when I go out in public especially if my husband is with me.  The only way to avoid this would be to move. In the meantime, we are stuck living in this community until the kids finish this year in school.

My whole attitude for being called the Mrs. or the wife has changed.  For some reason being my called my husband’s wife makes me cringe.  I am my own person.  I am not the one who cheated.  His actions have nothing to do with me.  I am not just his wife.  I have many identities. I am the innocent victim in all this. The last three years I did everything I could to provide my husband with what he needed to flourish, in turn I feel embarrassed by the amount of support I gave him. 

For now, being called my husband’s wife is a cringe worthy word. Hopefully in time and lots of therapy I will be able to overcome the title that comes with being married.  It is strange how your views of marriage change dramatically after you have been through betrayal. You may want to keep me off the list for invitations to a wedding.

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