Leaves on a Stream
is the second most utilized tool I use at home. This was the first tool my
therapist taught me the very first day I saw her. This exercise has been helpful if I have a
lot of thoughts going through my head at a fast pace or if I am in a crowded
space such as a restaurant. This tool is
a great way to slow those thoughts down, process and release them in an
To begin, find a quiet spot to relax. If you are unable to
find a quiet spot you can use headphones or earplugs to drown out the background
noise. Imagine a stream in the woods
(finding music that matches helps.) Spend a good amount of time imagining the
stream and the forest surrounding it.
The weather, the fall leaves, the location, the rocks in the stream,
whatever you come up with as long as it is relaxing. Get a good feeling of being
Now you are going to imagine leaves going down the
stream. They travel from upstream heading
downstream at a steady speed from right to left. Are there a lot, a little?
Take each thought that crosses your mind and place it on a leave on the
stream. Each one of your thoughts gets
placed on a leaf. You begin to watch
your thoughts go from left to right in a steady speed. Watch these thoughts
come and go. If one is hard to let go and wants to linger go ahead and pick it up.
Examine it, acknowledge it then place it down to let it continue it’s journey
down the stream. Do this however long you feel necessary.
I wanted to do an update since my online presence this week was lacking. Mostly because I am reminded of the saying “If you have nothing nice to say then you shouldn’t say it at all.” I had nothing nice all week. I was nothing but angry. Angry at the skanks, homewreckers and whores. Angry at my husband and angry with myself. Thankfully we made it intact. I don’t think I ever wanted to murder so many people. I wanted to hunt down every skank whore in the city. It took everything in my power to keep myself calm. I have never been this angry before, it is not like my character to be out of control with anger. I am very grateful it is over, and I will never have to repeat this week again.
It was during my angel card reads yesterday I had a light
bulb moment. I had been wrestling with
all the thoughts. Am I doing the right
thing by giving him another chance? What
if? What was? What is? Does he even care?
If you have ever been through betrayal you know exactly what I am
talking about. It is never ending ruthless
questioning about everything. This questioning
going on in my head all week was what was making me angry. The biggest question I kept asking myself was
“Am I just making these decisions because it is coming from within or is it
coming from outside of myself?”
The angel card I pulled was about making decisions from
within and not from outside of yourself. Go figure! Divine timing with the angel cards, again. This
little card immediately stopped all my anger.
This little card reminded me that I cannot make any rational decisions
and I will never feel better unless I remove the negativity. Removing the negativity doesn’t mean I don’t have
the right to be downright pissed off, removing negativity is simply not letting
myself think that everything is negative.
My future is not negative. Of
course, there is going to be crappy things, it’s life. But there is going to be so many more
Once I removed all of my negative thoughts (most directed
towards my future) I was able to think using my inner wisdom. My intuition took
over and I just “knew” the decisions I have been making are the right ones. You
can see much clearer without all the negative in the way.
I have been taking it easy the last couple days. It is hard
for me to say that since I am not one to take it easy. This round of healing has taken everything
out of me. Everything! The healthcare
system has failed to act quickly (no surprise).
I have been without professional care for almost two months. Every minute and every second of the time my
heart is pounding. My heart wants to jump
out of my body. I can’t breathe, I stop
breathing, I feel pain in my chest. It
is amazing how much our body takes a hit when we suffer mentally.
When I went through betrayal 3 years ago, I suffered from a lot
of physical ailments. The worse was my
stomach. I lost 50 pounds, it was hard
to eat a lot and my choices in food that settled well were limited. I had to take medicine for it for a year and
a half. This time around I am getting the
stomach problem again. I am losing a lot of weight, I can tell from my clothes. I am terrified to weigh myself. For right now
weight loss is just more evidence of how much I have been beat. But to top it off I am getting the Broken
Heart Symptoms. I always thought that
was just a saying until I had an actual broken heart. It hurts! It is real and can cause permanent
damage. Please pay attention to your body when you go through mental problems. The below link is a good article on a broken
I am thankful I mustered enough energy to post something