Leaves on a Stream at Home Exercise, EMDR.

Leaves on a Stream is the second most utilized tool I use at home. This was the first tool my therapist taught me the very first day I saw her.  This exercise has been helpful if I have a lot of thoughts going through my head at a fast pace or if I am in a crowded space such as a restaurant.  This tool is a great way to slow those thoughts down, process and release them in an effective way.

To begin, find a quiet spot to relax. If you are unable to find a quiet spot you can use headphones or earplugs to drown out the background noise.  Imagine a stream in the woods (finding music that matches helps.)  Spend a good amount of time imagining the stream and the forest surrounding it.  The weather, the fall leaves, the location, the rocks in the stream, whatever you come up with as long as it is relaxing. Get a good feeling of being there.

Now you are going to imagine leaves going down the stream.  They travel from upstream heading downstream at a steady speed from right to left. Are there a lot, a little? Take each thought that crosses your mind and place it on a leave on the stream.  Each one of your thoughts gets placed on a leaf.  You begin to watch your thoughts go from left to right in a steady speed. Watch these thoughts come and go. If one is hard to let go and wants to linger go ahead and pick it up. Examine it, acknowledge it then place it down to let it continue it’s journey down the stream. Do this however long you feel necessary.

If you need more help to visualize this exercise there are many videos on http://www.Youtube.com

Let me know if you have done this exercise before or you just tried it for the first time?  What did your stream look like? Did this exercise help you? Any deviations you think would be helpful?

I could not escape the anger until……

I wanted to do an update since my online presence this week was lacking.  Mostly because I am reminded of the saying “If you have nothing nice to say then you shouldn’t say it at all.” I had nothing nice all week. I was nothing but angry.  Angry at the skanks, homewreckers and whores.  Angry at my husband and angry with myself.  Thankfully we made it intact.  I don’t think I ever wanted to murder so many people.  I wanted to hunt down every skank whore in the city. It took everything in my power to keep myself calm.  I have never been this angry before, it is not like my character to be out of control with anger. I am very grateful it is over, and I will never have to repeat this week again.   

It was during my angel card reads yesterday I had a light bulb moment.  I had been wrestling with all the thoughts.  Am I doing the right thing by giving him another chance?  What if? What was? What is? Does he even care?  If you have ever been through betrayal you know exactly what I am talking about.  It is never ending ruthless questioning about everything.  This questioning going on in my head all week was what was making me angry.  The biggest question I kept asking myself was “Am I just making these decisions because it is coming from within or is it coming from outside of myself?”

The angel card I pulled was about making decisions from within and not from outside of yourself. Go figure!  Divine timing with the angel cards, again.   This little card immediately stopped all my anger.  This little card reminded me that I cannot make any rational decisions and I will never feel better unless I remove the negativity.  Removing the negativity doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to be downright pissed off, removing negativity is simply not letting myself think that everything is negative.  My future is not negative.  Of course, there is going to be crappy things, it’s life.  But there is going to be so many more positive things. 

Once I removed all of my negative thoughts (most directed towards my future) I was able to think using my inner wisdom. My intuition took over and I just “knew” the decisions I have been making are the right ones. You can see much clearer without all the negative in the way.

A Real Broken Heart? It Can Happen!

I have been taking it easy the last couple days. It is hard for me to say that since I am not one to take it easy.  This round of healing has taken everything out of me. Everything!  The healthcare system has failed to act quickly (no surprise).  I have been without professional care for almost two months.  Every minute and every second of the time my heart is pounding.  My heart wants to jump out of my body.  I can’t breathe, I stop breathing, I feel pain in my chest.  It is amazing how much our body takes a hit when we suffer mentally. 

When I went through betrayal 3 years ago, I suffered from a lot of physical ailments.  The worse was my stomach.  I lost 50 pounds, it was hard to eat a lot and my choices in food that settled well were limited.  I had to take medicine for it for a year and a half.  This time around I am getting the stomach problem again. I am losing a lot of weight, I can tell from my clothes.  I am terrified to weigh myself. For right now weight loss is just more evidence of how much I have been beat.  But to top it off I am getting the Broken Heart Symptoms.  I always thought that was just a saying until I had an actual broken heart.  It hurts! It is real and can cause permanent damage. Please pay attention to your body when you go through mental problems.  The below link is a good article on a broken heart. 

I am thankful I mustered enough energy to post something today. 

“If all you can do is crawl, then crawl.”

https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/cardiomyopathy/what-is-cardiomyopathy-in-adults/is-broken-heart-syndrome-real#main-content