My therapist had to work diligently with me to get me back to a semi functioning human the first time I discovered my husband cheated. This second time around is worse, and I am thankful I remember what she taught me. I would be in a mental hospital if I did not have the tools I was provided. If you have been through this then you know that at some point most of us end up in the hospital. The next tool I am going to share is called The Container. The container is for when heavy stuff is coming your way and you can feel it add up in your body. If you feel mentally drained by the end of the day then you are more than likely taking on too much mental baggage then this tool is for you. There is a warning with this exercise. I learned the lesson the hard way so pay attention. Overuse of the container may create more nightmares while sleeping. You must empty the container at least once a week if not more.
First step is imagining a container. Your container is yours and can be anything. A glass, jar, box, etc., or whatever else you may think of. Now you go into details. It is fun to get really creative with it. What is the container made of? What size and shape is it? What does your container weigh? What color or colors is it? Do you have a way to lock it? If you do not have a way to lock it then hide it so absolutely no one will find it. Get a good feeling for every single detail of your container. The more detail you imagine the better. Once you have a good vision in your head move on to the next step.
The second step is using your container. What are the thoughts and problems that are weighing you down? Put those thoughts on a piece of imaginary paper. Each thought one at a time. Write it down. Fold the paper and put it in your container. Continue to do this until you have put everything that is bothering you into your container. Now lock it up. Lock it up good and put the container away. I close my container with a lock, taking the keys and pretending to throw them and saying, “Lock it and F&*^ it!” Feel all those feelings being put in a safe place until a later time.
I cannot tell you how many times I have used my container. The hardest part about this exercise is remembering to use it. When you get good at visualizing your container you will find it is a great way to handle problems that will not leave your head, perfect for all those triggers. You can catch me at least once a day saying the “Lock it and F&^* it!” phrase.
Let me know if you have done an exercise like this? Did you do this one? What did your container end up looking like?
Today I was reading an article about marriage and love/sex addiction on http://www.pschycology.com Several times throughout the article it mentioned the word commitment. Stating that both parties in a relationship need to be fully committed and even more important when infidelity is involved.
All our life we hear this word. Commit to school, commit to your job, commit to your paper, etc. We are always asked for our commitment. Ever since I first found out my Husband cheated, my whole world turned upside down and has never been the same since. Same with the word commitment being used for marriage. Commitment will never mean the same thing to me, especially after this recent D-Day.
Yeah sure I can give it my commitment. He can say he is committed but it doesn’t mean diddly shit. I have always gave it my all and I always will. But in all reality commitment is a one-way street. Using the word commitment for a marriage sounds like there is a mutual feeling. You have no idea if your partner is going to return the commitment even if they say they are. Of course, you are showing commitment. You know yourself. You never know others. I thought I knew my husband through and through. This is how betrayal hurts so much. We rely on someone else when we need to be relying on ourselves.
It all comes down to having a commitment to yourself and hope in turn your partner appreciates that, and you appreciate their commitment to themselves. This makes for two happy people in a relationship.
I wanted to do an update since my online presence this week was lacking. Mostly because I am reminded of the saying “If you have nothing nice to say then you shouldn’t say it at all.” I had nothing nice all week. I was nothing but angry. Angry at the skanks, homewreckers and whores. Angry at my husband and angry with myself. Thankfully we made it intact. I don’t think I ever wanted to murder so many people. I wanted to hunt down every skank whore in the city. It took everything in my power to keep myself calm. I have never been this angry before, it is not like my character to be out of control with anger. I am very grateful it is over, and I will never have to repeat this week again.
It was during my angel card reads yesterday I had a light
bulb moment. I had been wrestling with
all the thoughts. Am I doing the right
thing by giving him another chance? What
if? What was? What is? Does he even care?
If you have ever been through betrayal you know exactly what I am
talking about. It is never ending ruthless
questioning about everything. This questioning
going on in my head all week was what was making me angry. The biggest question I kept asking myself was
“Am I just making these decisions because it is coming from within or is it
coming from outside of myself?”
The angel card I pulled was about making decisions from
within and not from outside of yourself. Go figure! Divine timing with the angel cards, again. This
little card immediately stopped all my anger.
This little card reminded me that I cannot make any rational decisions
and I will never feel better unless I remove the negativity. Removing the negativity doesn’t mean I don’t have
the right to be downright pissed off, removing negativity is simply not letting
myself think that everything is negative.
My future is not negative. Of
course, there is going to be crappy things, it’s life. But there is going to be so many more
Once I removed all of my negative thoughts (most directed
towards my future) I was able to think using my inner wisdom. My intuition took
over and I just “knew” the decisions I have been making are the right ones. You
can see much clearer without all the negative in the way.