recovering

Passenger on a Train (At Home Therapy Exercises EMDR) Part 7

Lauren BethLeave a comment

When you suffer from betrayal trauma and/or PTSD it can be very overwhelming to be in public places.  There could be a million different things that can cause triggers that send you into a downward spiral that is hard to get out of. For a better description of what it is like click here. Below is another tool I use when I am at home or in a public place.

When I am out in a public place I can and will get triggered by lots of things. There are over a million things that can trigger me  I learned to be a “Passenger on a Train”.  I visualize my train down to every little detail. It is good to get a good visualization of your train before you are in a public place.  Make sure your train has a window you can open so you can hear the noises too.  It is also important to smell the smells as you travel on this train. When you are getting triggered you can put yourself as a “Passenger on a Train”.  Watch the trigger go by from right to left or left to right.  Smell the smells, hear the noises and feel them go by as you travel on your train. The idea is to train your brain to take your triggers and process them in a way where you acknowledge them but do not let the feelings send you into that dreadful downward spiral.

The hardest part about this tool and other tools is to remember you have them available. Make sure you keep a list of different tools and exercises that work for you. This list should always be handy.

“You will never be the same, but you can be better.” -Lauren Beth

Discovery Day (D-Day) a different kind of anniversary date.

Lauren Beth3 Comments

Discovery Day is the very first day that you discover your partner has been cheating on you.  This day will forever be ingrained in your memory.  You will count the years you have made it from this day.  At first you will count the days, then the weeks, then the months.  For the first 2 years you can give someone the exact amount of time from this day; days, weeks and months.  An anniversary that you will always acknowledge and dread or if you are lucky you may be able to pretend and pass over this day with no huge fuss.

Very similar to when you first heard about the 9-11 World Trade Center’s crashing down. Or when you first learned of a close loved one passing.  In my case the memory of D-Day is stronger than 9-11 and a family member passing. You will never forget the weather on this day, the smells in the air, what you were doing, and you will remember exactly where you were, and who you were with. You will always remember a life before this day and reminisce on how it used to be, most of the time shedding tears because all you want to do is go back. Your whole world is flipped upside down on D-Day.  You will never be the same person again. Your heart shatters into a million pieces and you will forever be picking them up and putting them together.  For the first year (sometimes longer) you will wake up everyday and it will feel exactly like you are just learning of a loved one’s sudden unexpected death.  As time goes on, it does get easier but is always there like a dark cloud over your head about to strike you with a bolt of lightening reminding you of your loss. Those bolts are the triggers that you will experience repeatedly for an indefinite amount of time.  Click here to read more about triggers.

If you are lucky you will never experience a day like this or never have to go through it again.  In my case I have 2 D-Days and so do many other infidelity survivors too.  We survivors are some of the strongest and loving people living on Earth.

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