After my first D-Day 3 1/2 years ago I was incapacitated, suicidal and hopeless. I had no choice but to reach out for professional help. Thankfully I found the perfect therapist for me that did EMDR and was very helpful in sending me home with exercises and tools that I could use between my appointments with her. A year and half with her and I was finally feeling like a person again.
For this exercise you are going to need to be in a relaxing place with no distractions. It is best to have someone lead you through this meditation but you can also read the steps below, then do the exercise. The idea is to train your brain to put a feeling to a word. A happy word to a happy feeling.
Close your eyes. Place yourself in the most beautiful, comfortable, relaxing setting you can think of. It can be anywhere in the world or out of this world. The choice is yours.
What does this place feel like? Is it warm, cool, hot, busy, slow. Get all the feels. Is your skin sweaty, cool to the touch, warm, etc. What are you wearing?
What are the sounds you hear? Are there any animals, running water, waves, cars, people, children, etc.
What type of surface is under your feet? Are you sitting, standing, laying?
Is there anyone with you? Your favorite animal, a loved one
Imagine you can stay in this place for as long as you want. Absolutely no rush to leave. You relax into your surroundings feeling no rush to leave. Time stays still in this place. You are safe from everything.
Sit in this place and take in all the scenery, feelings, scents, etc. until you can actually feel yourself there.
What is one descriptive WORD you can use to describe this place? What WORD describes how you feel in this place?
My word has always been peace. It puts me right onto Huntington Beach in California feeling the sand between my toes. One of my favorite places to visit when I was a child. The warmth of the sun, the sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls is a place of comfort for me. My husband knows to say “peace” whenever I get really worked up in an anxiety attack. Just the word alone puts me there and I can feel all the feels.
I hope you are able to find a place for you and one word that puts you there.
Today I was reading an article about marriage and love/sex addiction on http://www.pschycology.com Several times throughout the article it mentioned the word commitment. Stating that both parties in a relationship need to be fully committed and even more important when infidelity is involved.
All our life we hear this word. Commit to school, commit to your job, commit to your paper, etc. We are always asked for our commitment. Ever since I first found out my Husband cheated, my whole world turned upside down and has never been the same since. Same with the word commitment being used for marriage. Commitment will never mean the same thing to me, especially after this recent D-Day.
Yeah sure I can give it my commitment. He can say he is committed but it doesn’t mean diddly shit. I have always gave it my all and I always will. But in all reality commitment is a one-way street. Using the word commitment for a marriage sounds like there is a mutual feeling. You have no idea if your partner is going to return the commitment even if they say they are. Of course, you are showing commitment. You know yourself. You never know others. I thought I knew my husband through and through. This is how betrayal hurts so much. We rely on someone else when we need to be relying on ourselves.
It all comes down to having a commitment to yourself and hope in turn your partner appreciates that, and you appreciate their commitment to themselves. This makes for two happy people in a relationship.
Leaves on a Stream
is the second most utilized tool I use at home. This was the first tool my
therapist taught me the very first day I saw her. This exercise has been helpful if I have a
lot of thoughts going through my head at a fast pace or if I am in a crowded
space such as a restaurant. This tool is
a great way to slow those thoughts down, process and release them in an
To begin, find a quiet spot to relax. If you are unable to
find a quiet spot you can use headphones or earplugs to drown out the background
noise. Imagine a stream in the woods
(finding music that matches helps.) Spend a good amount of time imagining the
stream and the forest surrounding it.
The weather, the fall leaves, the location, the rocks in the stream,
whatever you come up with as long as it is relaxing. Get a good feeling of being
Now you are going to imagine leaves going down the
stream. They travel from upstream heading
downstream at a steady speed from right to left. Are there a lot, a little?
Take each thought that crosses your mind and place it on a leave on the
stream. Each one of your thoughts gets
placed on a leaf. You begin to watch
your thoughts go from left to right in a steady speed. Watch these thoughts
come and go. If one is hard to let go and wants to linger go ahead and pick it up.
Examine it, acknowledge it then place it down to let it continue it’s journey
down the stream. Do this however long you feel necessary.