Discovery Day (D-Day) a different kind of anniversary date.

Discovery Day is the very first day that you discover your partner has been cheating on you.  This day will forever be ingrained in your memory.  You will count the years you have made it from this day.  At first you will count the days, then the weeks, then the months.  For the first 2 years you can give someone the exact amount of time from this day; days, weeks and months.  An anniversary that you will always acknowledge and dread or if you are lucky you may be able to pretend and pass over this day with no huge fuss.

Very similar to when you first heard about the 9-11 World Trade Center’s crashing down. Or when you first learned of a close loved one passing.  In my case the memory of D-Day is stronger than 9-11 and a family member passing. You will never forget the weather on this day, the smells in the air, what you were doing, and you will remember exactly where you were, and who you were with. You will always remember a life before this day and reminisce on how it used to be, most of the time shedding tears because all you want to do is go back. Your whole world is flipped upside down on D-Day.  You will never be the same person again. Your heart shatters into a million pieces and you will forever be picking them up and putting them together.  For the first year (sometimes longer) you will wake up everyday and it will feel exactly like you are just learning of a loved one’s sudden unexpected death.  As time goes on, it does get easier but is always there like a dark cloud over your head about to strike you with a bolt of lightening reminding you of your loss. Those bolts are the triggers that you will experience repeatedly for an indefinite amount of time.  Click here to read more about triggers.

If you are lucky you will never experience a day like this or never have to go through it again.  In my case I have 2 D-Days and so do many other infidelity survivors too.  We survivors are some of the strongest and loving people living on Earth.

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Let’s talk about the word “Commitment.”

Today I was reading an article about marriage and love/sex addiction on http://www.pschycology.com    Several times throughout the article it mentioned the word commitment.  Stating that both parties in a relationship need to be fully committed and even more important when infidelity is involved.

All our life we hear this word. Commit to school, commit to your job, commit to your paper, etc. We are always asked for our commitment.   Ever since I first found out my Husband cheated, my whole world turned upside down and has never been the same since.  Same with the word commitment being used for marriage. Commitment will never mean the same thing to me, especially after this recent D-Day.

Yeah sure I can give it my commitment.  He can say he is committed but it doesn’t mean diddly shit. I have always gave it my all and I always will. But in all reality commitment is a one-way street. Using the word commitment for a marriage sounds like there is a mutual feeling.  You have no idea if your partner is going to return the commitment even if they say they are.  Of course, you are showing commitment.  You know yourself.  You never know others. I thought I knew my husband through and through.  This is how betrayal hurts so much.  We rely on someone else when we need to be relying on ourselves.

It all comes down to having a commitment to yourself and hope in turn your partner appreciates that, and you appreciate their commitment to themselves. This makes for two happy people in a relationship.

Nobody has your back like you do!

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I could not escape the anger until……

I wanted to do an update since my online presence this week was lacking.  Mostly because I am reminded of the saying “If you have nothing nice to say then you shouldn’t say it at all.” I had nothing nice all week. I was nothing but angry.  Angry at the skanks, homewreckers and whores.  Angry at my husband and angry with myself.  Thankfully we made it intact.  I don’t think I ever wanted to murder so many people.  I wanted to hunt down every skank whore in the city. It took everything in my power to keep myself calm.  I have never been this angry before, it is not like my character to be out of control with anger. I am very grateful it is over, and I will never have to repeat this week again.   

It was during my angel card reads yesterday I had a light bulb moment.  I had been wrestling with all the thoughts.  Am I doing the right thing by giving him another chance?  What if? What was? What is? Does he even care?  If you have ever been through betrayal you know exactly what I am talking about.  It is never ending ruthless questioning about everything.  This questioning going on in my head all week was what was making me angry.  The biggest question I kept asking myself was “Am I just making these decisions because it is coming from within or is it coming from outside of myself?”

The angel card I pulled was about making decisions from within and not from outside of yourself. Go figure!  Divine timing with the angel cards, again.   This little card immediately stopped all my anger.  This little card reminded me that I cannot make any rational decisions and I will never feel better unless I remove the negativity.  Removing the negativity doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to be downright pissed off, removing negativity is simply not letting myself think that everything is negative.  My future is not negative.  Of course, there is going to be crappy things, it’s life.  But there is going to be so many more positive things. 

Once I removed all of my negative thoughts (most directed towards my future) I was able to think using my inner wisdom. My intuition took over and I just “knew” the decisions I have been making are the right ones. You can see much clearer without all the negative in the way.